Single Gourmet – South Florida

You are out and about, at a restaurant, night club, grocery store or somewhere else. You happen to meet a man and a conversation ensues. In a short period of time, one of several things will occur.

1. Somewhere, during the conversation, because he likes you, he asks for your phone #. Your response is OK (because you like him, feel somewhat comfortable and you desire to see where this leads) you give him your phone #. The only way this man gets your phone # is because there is some chemistry here and you are comfortable with him.

2. You are hesitant and you say, “give me your number, I will call you”. Some women will say this when they are not sure of the mans intentions. Others will use this as a way of saying goodby and good luck in your search. The truth is that in most cases, the woman is really not interested in this man. If she were, phone #s would have been exchanged.

3. Again ladies, you are hesitant, but you offer him your e-mail address. Men, listen up, you do not have a chance when this occurs. If you play this game you are certainly setting yourself up for a letdown.

4. You are really not interested in this man so you excuse yourself with some excuse such as “I have a boyfriend or I am married” which of course could be true.

5. You give him a phone # that is not yours. Now this is totally wrong. Ladies, please be honest enough with the man. He would rather hear you say you are not interested. By the way, if you do give a wrong phone # on purpose, there is a chance that you will run into him again. If you do, be prepared for an ear full.

6. OK, so you were lucky enough to get her phone #. Do you call her the next day or do you wait a few days or a week to contact her? In my humble opinion, don’t wait, call the next day. Remember, women like attention and like to be pursued. If you wait a few days or more you are telling her that you maybe are not interested so much or you are playing a game. If this is the case, why did you ask for her number to begin with?

7. You phone her the next day. She seems a bit cold, standoffish or uncomfortable. The mood has changed. If this is the case, ask her if you misinterpreted her interest. If so, obviously end the call, don’t keep calling her. Move on.

8. Ok, you made the call. Her voice mail comes on. You leave a message and you wait for her return call. After a day or two, you try again with the same result. Move on, men, she is not interested. If you are a glutton for punishment, keep calling. The result is not going to change.

9. You talk for awhile or maybe several times. You ask her out but she keeps making excuses of why she can’t get together with you. Could it be that she is just not that interested? It’s possible. When she continously makes excuses, she is telling you that you are wasting your time.

10. Men, you are interested, but instead of asking her for her phone #, you give her your business card and tell her to call you. This tells the lady that you are avoiding rejection on the spot and are not strong enough to withstand it. Ladies like a confident man and shy away from those who are not. Ask her for her phone number. After you receive her number, you now can give her your business card because there is a mutual interest. You business card will tell the lady something about you which is the purpose of dating. You have now proactively taken the first step.

11. Ok men, she gave you her cell phone #. Instead of calling her, you start texting her. There is a purpose for texting but this is not it. Speak to her. Let her hear your voice and feel your feelings as you talk on the phone. You want to also experience the same from her. You certainly can not do this by texting back and forth. Do you want to be a pen pal or do you want to develope a relationship? This thought also applies to e-mailing back and forth. Men, be proactive.

12. You call her and leave a message on her voice mail. She finally returns your call the next day, two days later, three or four days later. Please realize that you are not at the top of her priority list. In fact, you are really low on the totem pole especially if this seems to happen most times you call her. If you ask her why it takes so long for her to return a call, you will be given every excuse in the book. Men, it is time to move on to greener pastures.

In conclusion. Please, men, listen closely to the responses you are receiving from the ladies. If you are able to comprehend what the ladies are saying, you will find that you will not be wasting time with those who show little or no interest and you will be more successful with the ladies who really would like to get to know you.

We welcome your comments and feelings about this post.

Some women (like me) are not convinced that the overwhelming “chemistry” factor has to be there right from the get go.  Some of us are happy to just be with a pleasant, smart attentive man and let it develop.

Here’s the problem:  how does a woman continue to date a guy, learn about him, enjoy his company, get more comfortable with him, and allow the chemistry to build without giving him the feeling that she is using him for dinner, movies, etc?  Should we go “dutch?”  And, without “putting out,” how long will a man allow a woman the luxury of getting to know him better?

We all know that men and women can have different timetables for getting intimate.  And men can (and do in most cases) get intimate before having real feelings for a women.  How do we do this without one or the other feeling guilty, or impatient, or used or anxious?

Someone once told me, “you’ll know” when it’s the right time with the right one. Well… I was married 37 years, separated 5 and  I am still waiting for that proverbial light bulb to go off so I will “know.”  I know about chemistry – but that isn’t all I want — I want a relationship that has chemistry as a part of it.  I don’t think one without the other is for me. Am I alone in feeling confused about how to proceed with this?  If an honest discussion is what it takes, wouldn’t a man take it as a sign that the woman isn’t really turned on by him, and feel deflated?  AAAAGGGGHHHH!  I hate dating!  I want to go to sleep and wake up with Mr. Right next to me and all the foolishness of dating past us!  Is that too much to ask?

I welcome your comments and feelings about this subject.

This Post was written by Lorraine W.

OK, you swallowed your pride and you introduced yourself to that pretty lady or handsome man standing next to you. He or she is a little surprised by your contact, but the person of interest responds and now awaits for you to speak. At that point you freeze. You can not think of anything to say. By not thinking through your introduction you have missed out on a meeting opportunity. The good news here is that you have already accomplished the hardest step by just saying hello. All of us know that it is hard to introduce yourself to a stranger. We also know that most people will be kind enough to forgive any initial awkwardness. At this point you have to find a way to get the conversation flowing. If you can not accomplish this, you are, in most cases, going to have an extremely short relationship with the person of interest that is measured in seconds as opposed to days, months or even years. So what do you say after the initial “Hello” ?

With a little thought and an awareness of your surroundings, it becomes really simple to figure out the next step of your conversation. All you really have to do is to come up with something that is relevant that will allow you to continue the conversation and that will give you a chance to spend more time together. At a party or a Single Gourmet dinner dance event, asking someone to dance gives you a few minutes on the dance floor together, during which you can continue talking.

When I am out and about and I see someone I would like to talk with I say hello and I like to ask, “are we having fun yet?” I always get a least a smile but most of the time the person of interest starts telling me why she or he  is there and this opens the door to many possibilities. Once in a while, being a single parent, I will add “if I asked the same question to my children their responce would be NOT YET”. This always gets a laugh and many times more opportunity to continue talking with the person of interest.

A single parent at a child’s sporting event can discuss another’s child or ask about lessons, classes or schools. Introducing yourself at a business function certainly opens the door to a number of possible questions, such as what kind of work someone does, what his or her company sells and much more.

The key lies in evaluating the current situation and decieding on a simple, relevant question that will give the person of your interest a chance to respond. My personal favorite is to talk about pets. It is an excellent source of conversation. Did you know that many single people adopt pets not only for companionship, but also as a tool to help them meet new people. The good news is that if you do not meet that special someone, you will always get unconditional love for you pet.

The reality is that most successful introductions occur when you are able to capture the person of interest with simple, relevant questions. We all know a pick-up line when we hear one and you will certainly drive most people of interest away if you are using this approach. Your next words do not have to be spectacular. Simple questions that are combined with and honest sence of interest on your part will bring you much further than any pick-up line will.

Now before you go out searching for a new friend or special someone, you must remember that you really do not know the first thing about this person. If they do not show any interest in talking with you, never take it personally. Anything is possible. They may be late for an appointment. They may be romantically involved or they may be so surprised you spoke to them that they do not know what to say or how to responed.

Now if the do continue the conversation, do not be so overjoyed that you forget to take some precautions that you would take with any new acquantance. Whatever happens, you certainly can give yourself a pat on the back for trying. You now have taken a bold step in the right direction.

In response to the various letters, e-mails and cards that we receive from our very active Single Gourmet membership, one topic in particular seems to come up quite frequently that we would like to address. That subject is the importance of developing friendships, both male and female and the impact that it has on our lives. As the years go we continue to mature and our lives become more demanding and challenging. We begin to find ourselves a bit self centered and sort of detach ourselves from the rest of the world. We seem to spend more time alone.

Many of us have been through marriage, divorce, child raising, relocation and working long hours to move up the so called corporate ladder. As a result we have become detached and have lost touch with old friends and associated who were once an integral part of our lives. Many of us never thought they would ever say this but they need to make new friends.

Basically, building friendships requires work, which is something we tend to forget when we have made most of our friends effortlessly in school of at the office. Finding new friends is a procedure most of us have not had to deal with since childhood. What use to be a matter of hosting a birthday party or having mom set up a plat day is not reduced to many of the same activities and innuendoes as dating.

Developing friendships can be as tricky as new romances. We do not want to appear too eager, yet it is important to call and make plans. I know, we are all busy and we do not want to waste time on something with an uncertain future.

Most therapist stress how equally important friendships of the same sex are as in comparison with male / female relationships. They advise the way to make more friendships is to attend church, temple, volunteer at a shelter or join a social club.

We at Single Gourmet are that social club, and as you attend more events, the opportunity to meet quality people who may very well have similar to yours will increase. Friendships will develope and who knows, maybe you will fall in love.

We look forward to seeing you at our next event for singles and do hope that many a friendship blossom from your association with Single Gourmet of South Florida. 

We all have had some bad dates at some time or another, so in order to help all of you who are looking for Mr. or Ms. wonderful, I decided it would be a good time for me to share with you my Top 10 list of people that you may want to avoid like the plague.

The Yes Person:  This person agrees with you about everything. This yes person probably has ulterior motives or is a desperado who wants to rush into marriage. Often, “Yes People” need someone to lean on emotionally or financially or need a spouse to raise their kids and send them to college. Remember that two normal  people will have conflicts now and then and will not agree on everything.

The Mysterious One:  This type of person is often the married person or someone who has a significant other. They can only see you at inconvenient or at strange hours. Mystery types are liars. They do not like to talk about their backgrounds or have backgrounds that do not add up. You will never be introduced to relatives or friends for obvious reasons.

The Fickle One:  This type reminds you of an adolescent. He or she wakes up a different person each day and constantly changes his or her mind, tastes and dislikes.

The Impulsive One:  This is the one that wants you to quit your job and fly away to Paris or an exotic island. This type is too intense at whatever he or she does and will not hesitate in going to extremes.

The Abuser:  Be sure to avoid this person at all costs. He or she is someone who will physically or mentally abuse you. The verbal abuser is one who criticizes everyone from the grocery clerk to relatives to friends of your and especially you. The abuser is an unhappy person and is a chronic analyzer who is into an armchair psychology.

The Walking Wounded:  This type of person has been wounded by too many people in his or her past and will never lets anyone get too close. He or she has been wounded by ex-boyfriends or ex-girl friends, parents, close friends and ex-spouses.

The Rebounder:  The classic rebounder is one who is always looking for a replacement for the one they were dumped by. Getting involved with this type who has not taken the time to heal from a previous relationship in not fun and will never lead to anything. This type can not get over the ex-spouse, for example, he or she will constantly talk about them or reminisce about the good times as if they were still together.

The Here Today, Gone Tomorrow Type:  Do I really have to explain this one? You have to worry about a broken heart and STD’s caught during their various exploits.

The Leach – The Gold Digger:  This is the type that forgets his money on dates or expects you to pay because you have a better job. They may tell you about their financial woes or tell you that they can’t afford this. They will play on your sympathies and may even want to access your bank account or credit cards. If you loan them money, consider it a donation. You will never see a penny of it again. Once the leach realizes that the reservoir has dried up, he or she will simply disappear and start looking for another unsuspecting victim.

The Seems Too Good To Be True:  Do you understand that this person is not perfect. Wake up and smell the coffee. You do not want to acknowledge his or her imperfections, which you have chosen to ignore. Everybody has faults and if someone is pretending to be perfect, you really should be wondering what it is that he or she is trying to hide.